Euphemisms for Getting a Pink Slip

Our division is slated to get layoffs sometime around the middle of December. This is getting to be pretty repetitive news around my employer. Whenever new management comes in, the first thing that they do is pull the flush lever and see who's left swimming in the bowl. Since management is changing faster than than the seasons, the net result is efficiency meltdown. The first round of layoffs really pared out some deadwood, and even the second round had some merit. Now it's gotten down to productive employees that do a great job but can't wear a dozen hats on a single day. You'd think that our division is losing money, but just the opposite - we're the most profitable division in the corporation. The claim is that the technology has matured and that there's not much upside in continued research and development. I'm not a cardiologist, so bear with my personal assertions, but my belief is that while patients continue to die from heart disease, there's a market for new and innovative products. OK, time to get off the soapbox now; this post is about layoffs.

The term that management finds least offensive these days is RIF, or reduction in force. The people that get laid off are now the "effected" people. Also, those of us that are not "effected" have been told to "respect" those that are "effected". No! Really? I was actually planning on bringing in some rotten fruit to throw and taunt them all the way to their cars. I've had the past pleasure of laying off good friends and it's not fun. Using some cute euphemism for laying someone off is personally offensive. I was very direct with the people that I "let go". They were told of what the overall need was and why they were the ones that would no longer be employed with the company. Sometimes it was an emotional time and I thought that was appropriate, especially when friendships were involved. There's no easy way to "kick someone to the curb".

I really haven't given too much thought to my own situation in the upcoming "right sizing", but I'm sure that it will enter my conscious more as the time gets closer. I have every belief that my day will come to be "culled from the herd" and actually some joy will be had in not needing to be judged in the beauty pageant any longer. Until that time, I'll show how innovative and efficient that I can be; a real example to the rest. Hmmm? I'm glad that I live in such a Rational Nation.